Raven by Allison Van Diepen

Author:Allison Van Diepen
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Simon Pulse

VELVET

SINKING

It was a mistake. I never should have looked so closely into Zin’s eyes. I never should have looked into my own soul. But I can’t go back. I can’t un-know what I know. Even the Jiang Shi, who have conquered life and death, can’t go back in time.

Sure, I needed Zin too much. Sure, he was my obsession, my fantasy. But he was my favorite person, the one who made life beautiful. Could he blame me for trying to fill the hole in my soul with him? Was it so wrong?

Two weeks have passed since I looked into my soul, and though I still see Zin often, we feel like strangers. Maybe the kiss didn’t mean to him what it did to me. I’m just temporary for him anyway. For him, I’m a potential four-year relationship, a blip on his endless time line.

He doesn’t deserve my anger. What I saw isn’t his fault. I could have closed my eyes and stayed in peaceful ignorance forever. But no, I wanted to see my soul. Some part of me saw an opportunity to see the truth and took it.

He’s right that I was filling my soul with him, but that doesn’t mean my love for him isn’t real. It is. I know it with the same certainty that recognized the hole inside me. And I know that my love for him is not the sum of his dancing and good looks and charm. My love is the pale boy huddling in the blanket. My love is the rooftop silence.

But it’s too late for that.

♦ ♦ ♦

Carlo prefers candlelight. Though he has two antique lamps in the back of the office, there are only candles within his sight-lines, giving off a soft glow. The room is dark and elegant, like he is—mahogany desk and bookshelf, black leather furniture. When I walk in, he is poring over ledgers, which he keeps in leather-bound books.

“You said you were a soul scientist.”

He raises his eyes. “Yes.”

“Well, if I have a problem with my soul, maybe you can tell me how to heal it.”

“Have a seat, Raven. This is the problem of the hole, I imagine.”

“You can see it too?” I hate the thought that I’m an open book for any Jiang Shi to read.

“Yes. Unfortunately, I can’t help you close the hole inside you. I do know, however, that when we ask the universe a question, it tends to give us the opportunity to find the answer. I believe the universe has systems of balance. Keep the question of healing in your mind, and you might find the answer.”

“Is it possible there isn’t an answer?”

“Of course it is. It’s also possible that the answer isn’t something you are willing to accept, at least not at the present time.”

I feel queasy. “I’m not sure what you mean by that.”

“I don’t expect you to. Just keep living the question.”

♦ ♦ ♦

“What are we doing tonight?” I ask Rambo on the phone.

“I’m picking up the boys and Kim and we’re drinking in the park with some buddies.

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